Motherhood

Motherhood was not something that came easy for me, while I loved Rivers from the second I saw him  it was awhile before I felt like this heavy fog had lifted and I was able to see my role as a Mother for what it was. As a new mom I watched so many mothers around me enjoy motherhood, everyday was a joy and blessing to them and I began to question why I wasn't feeling the same.

I dreaded the mornings when David would have to leave us for work, my days were difficult and long, I thought this selfless love and service was suppose to come easy and I felt guilty for not loving it the same, guilty I was blessed with this beautiful baby and not enjoying as I should.  Looking back now I can see it for what it was, hindsight is always easier. I was under a fog and it took much longer than I thought to come out of. At almost 10 months since I had Rivers did I finally start to feel like myself. 

So this day in May 2014 is extra special to me, this Mothers Day I am now able to see my role as a Mother for what it really is. It is not a burden but a gift, everyday that I have to be a mother to this sweet baby boy is a blessing. I am trying to be more grateful for the long days we have together, for the opportunities I have to see him experience things for the first time and for the moments of snuggles and laughter we share. While I struggle with it and am still learning and coming into my own as a mother I've come to realize that this life is made up of moments of joy. Not every second can be blissful and picture perfect and it's through those eyes that  I am understanding Motherhood maybe a tiny bit more.